I
prayed for it. Patience. Integrity.
Literally,
and in my own words, my supplications mirrored that of the famed poet,
songwriter, musician and monarch: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew
a right spirit within me (King David, Psalm 51).
I
expected God to honor a request like that. I just never expected what was
required to honor it.
Let’s
consider: God’s ultimate plan is to bring us home. But we can’t enter those
gates “as is.”
Kingdom-ready
Christians experience tests of faith that authenticate the strength of their
character. Because God so desires to have us with him, sharing in the eternal
joy he has waiting, he will try and test us. Now this isn’t your
in-a-queue-at-the-bank-on-pay-day kind of test (though some of us [me included]
may find this to be a little “more than you can bear”).
When
I asked God to refine my character, I was essentially giving him the right to
do whatever he needed to do to fulfill my request. My reaction?
Tears.
Frustration. Anger....
Omniscient?
Really? Then how come, God, you didn’t stop this from happening?! If your plans
are to prosper and not to harm, how come I’m so BROKEN and BRUISED and STUCK IN
LIMBO?!
It
would seem Job’s wife had the right idea. After all, what really was
the point?
Then
the thought struck me: what if God loves you so much he’s willing to risk
experiencing your hate?
Experiencing
my hate?
Yes.
Because the tests are going to be heavy and painful. You will likely feel so
broken you’ll wonder if there’s anything of you left to salvage. You will
encounter darkness and loss, doubt and fear. And in all of this you will be
asked to trust. Hating God won’t seem so inconceivable after all that.
On
the other side of Jordan, hindsight provides perspective that often brings
peace.
The
crucibles are the answer to my prayer. Patience won’t be fully acquired just by
experiencing rush hour traffic daily. The battle for integrity won’t be won by
simply arranging to have a phone, left in a taxi, returned to its rightful
owner. These are like pop quizzes for that course you’re always ahead in. The
real tests of faith bring you to your knees, constant in prayer, totally
dependent on God.
Should
we, through our difficult experiences, recognize our truly awful state, turn to
him for cleansing and ultimately turn our lives around, then it would have all
been worth the risk. For that kind of response, God is prepared to face our
fury.
At
the end of the day, he wants to bring us home. And kingdom-ready characters are
built by adversity.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
~James 1:12, NIV
