Thursday, September 20, 2012

No Show or Go Slow?

(Written especially for my single sistas :) )

Okay, so I’m beginning to think that there’s some hidden message, imprinted somewhere beneath the epithelium of my forehead. And it seems everyone but me has the superhuman ability to read it. That has to be the reason why, of late, I’ve been bombarded with the “girl like you need a man”, “can we get to know each other deeper”, “I’d have a baby with you” and other not so PG one-liners. I must be inadvertently advertising my single status. In addition to offers from would-be “suitors”, I’ve received the occasional unsolicited council from those who believe my time is very surely running out. And with all the different angles and approaches, the advice essentially goes back to this: get married before it’s too late.

Thank God He alone orders my steps.

For me it boils down to this: maintaining a single status for the rest of my life or meeting and marrying the man of my dreams (clichéd? Who cares! It’s true). The former is not preferable (like, really not); but if the man is in fact a “no show” then…. (deep breath) there’s probably a good reason why. Easy to accept? Um…no; but what I’ve learned to accept and appreciate is that God knows more about what I need than I do. Experience taught me that. What I’ve also come to realize is that true fulfillment can only be found in Christ.

I can almost see the rolled eyes. There was a time when my reaction was the same. I mean, who knows best exactly what I want or need? Um…me. Hello? But recently I discovered a term – God-sized Void. At the time I didn’t know that that was the reason why I still felt empty. There’s a space in my heart (and yours for that matter) that no one else but God can fill. 

My first love should be Christ. Every other relationship is secondary. If my relationship with Him is rocky, then all others will be challenged at best. So I have to sort out ours first. I’m not at the level of intimacy I desire; but it’s getting there. And the closer I get to God the more content and at peace I feel in my singleness. There’s no desperation. No depression. No anxiety over trying to find a man before (as I’ve been often warned) things “dry up”. If God does not allow it, then His purpose for my life will still be a fulfilling and enriching experience.

Now…..if Mr. Right-For-Nadia is actually on a divinely-orchestrated “go-slow”, I patiently (and happily) wait . God’s timing is perfect. I can’t stress how much so. Didn’t always acknowledge that fact, of course, but I believe that with my whole heart. He knows best who will enhance my life and vice versa. His desire is that my earthly relationship glorifies Him and reflects the commitment and selfless love He and I should share. For that kind of relationship I am willing to wait.

Don’t think I’ve reached this level of contentment overnight. Introspection, words of council (heard and read), prayer, and more prayer did that. That prayer aspect – it is a balm for the soul.

Have you ever felt that God just wouldn’t get it right if you allowed Him to choose your partner? I did. Big time. I mean, He just wouldn’t know how to “package” a man the way I wanted. What a lie I fed myself. My Creator – the One who knew me before He even formed me in my mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5); all my quirks, insecurities, skills, abilities, preferences, habits, etc. well before I developed them – delights in giving me good things (Matthew 7:11) and wants to give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). But He wants me first to trust Him; to let Him guide me down the path of His choosing because His plans can only result in peace and prosperity (Jeremiah 29:11). Therefore (if this is part of His plan) He  knows who will compliment me and complete the triangle.

Now, if you’re a sister struggling in singlehood or perhaps with the idea of being at that place (if you need to walk away but are afraid to), give it over to God. Don’t be afraid to let Him take control. You can do it your way but His way is soooo much better and less painful.

So is Mr. RFN a no show or simply on go-slow? Hmm…it’s a little early to call it. But whichever God decides for me, by His grace, my life will be rich and satisfying and complete.


  1. I can see the queue starting already. Heh heh. As Lasonya said, though, well said. With God you can't go wrong.